Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time)
Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way"
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers
Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it"
Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice)
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two".
After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon".Keep this up for one hour.
While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".
In a colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now"
Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it"
Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
Practice the art of limp handshakes
Drum your fingers during other people's presentations
Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
Snap your gum
Announce when you're going to the bathroom
Page yourself over the intercom (don't disguise your voice).
Insist that your email address be "zena_goddess_of_fire@carlson.com"
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over caffeine addictions--switch to espresso!
Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the email to a co-worker and ask him/her to settle the disagreement.
Name all of your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they are all present.
Make up nicknames for all of your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point Sparky", "No, I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi".
Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page on all reports that you write (if you don't have children - draw stick figures yourself).
Schedule meetings for 4:14pm and bitch at anyone who's a minute late.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you are doing (ie. "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom").
No matter what anyone asks you, reply "okay".
Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN".
Plant a hedge around your desk area.
Determine how many cups of coffee is "too much".
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Compose all of your email in rhyming couplets.
"Hi-Lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
While sitting at your desk, soak your hands in Palmolive.
Put up mosquito netting around your desk.
Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
Park in the Reserved Parking spots
Let doors slam behind you -- in other people's faces
Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you
Leave pages in the copier
Every time you see a certain person, walk up to them, and say, "Ah, we meet again" and then laugh evilly.
Close your eyes and start snoring whenever someone tries to talk to you.
Run around with your hands on your elbows, and frantically ask people to take off your straight jacket before "they" come back.
End EVERY sentence with "In accordance with the prophecy."
Put everyone on speakerphone
Flirt very noticably when a coworker's spouse comes to visit, either with the coworker or the spouse, whether they are male or female.
Give your coworker's extension as your own for personal calls, such as an annoying mother-in-law or therapist.
Don't shave until you arrive, then rush to the bathroom first thing.